The rest is history

Good morrow, future people. 

My new friend Toomer has awarded me the privilege of beginning his weekly article. The year - as he has rightly stated - is Eighteen Hundred and Twenty-Three. 

My name is Elias J. Crackenthorpe II, of the age of 9 years and 2 months. I happened across his “Tremendous Toboggan” in the garden of the house my father is building. The elf’s story has caused me much vexation on his behalf.

Henceforth I will do all in my power to assist him in getting back to the year Twenty Hundred and Twenty-Three where he belongs. Using words that my new-found friend has taught me: “like a strawberry, he’s in a proper jam and no mistake”.

Well, what an introduction… Thanks, E.C! I’m still stuck in the 19th Century with about as much hope of getting home as a pigeon with a broken sat nav, but, at least I’ve made a friend. 

Last week you left me with a stranger approaching my hiding place which, to be fair, is never a great sign in a story. But, turns out, young Elias is a good egg. Speaking of eggs, as soon as he heard I was feeling peckish, he fetched an apple for me. Just in time… I was beginning to think seriously about the nutritional value of the paper bag my cookies had been in. If nothing else, I can hereby report an 1823 apple is much the same as a 2023 one.

Elias wasn’t phased by seeing an elf in his yard at all. Turns out he’s an avid reader and his local newspaper has just published a Christmassy poem ‘Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas’, so he’s full of the joys of the season.

I find him hard to understand some of the time and he says the same about me (but using longer words). The best thing is - he wants to help. I love it when people offer to help others without being asked… It reminds me of a Terrific Task I recently made a note of. It was Jana from Malaysia who kept her bedroom tidy every day for a month. When Elias heard that, he asked me to pass on the message that he was “filled with exceeding good cheer”. Which I think is 1823-speak for “Way to go, Jana! You rock!” You have to excuse him. He’s two hundred years old. 

Wait up! “Exceeding good cheer!” That’s exactly the fuel that my Tremendous Toboggan needs to get me back to 2023! And young Elias Crackenthorpe has spade-loads of the stuff. 

The rest is history :
By aiming the Fuel Detector at my friend, the fuel gauge soon went from Empty to Plenty. My toboggan started to whirr and hum and then began to hover. No time for long goodbyes. Just a quick elf salute. Three final bites of my apple. The toboggan began to swoosh and swirl and I knew what was coming… In the chaos, I dropped my apple core. 

My last view of 1823 was waving down at a friend I’ll never forget getting smaller and smaller, whilst seeing my apple core spiral to the ground. 

I have no idea where I’ll end up, but it looks like I’m on the move again.

See you whenever (quite literally),
Toomer

PS. I was going to end with a joke about flying Tremendous Toboggans, but it would go right over your head…